A Survival Guide For Ohio Winters

Cartoon+by+Janet+Wang

Cartoon by Janet Wang

Contrary to what the retail industry may want you to believe, this is actually the least wonderful time of the year.

I see nothing appealing about upwards of five months of snow, ice and well-below freezing temperatures, with finals placed conveniently around the coldest point.

No matter how many years I spend in a frigid climate, I probably won’t ever completely figure it out, but I have learned a thing or two.

How to Survive Winter 101:

Hibernate.  Besides the fact that your two weeks off from school are simply an illusion of free time, because you have yet to take finals, this is actually a great opportunity to catch up on sleep.  If your room is cold, you will also burn extra calories while sleeping.

If you need to lose weight, sleeping in a cold place (and being asleep would probably prevent you from eating) is definitely the way to go.  Also, if it’s approximately 423 degrees below zero with a windchill of negative 5000, what other option do you really have? It’s not like you’re actually going to study.

Once sleeping gets old, or you happen to wake up, hot chocolate is the next best option.  You need to strategically plan your trips to the grocery store when it’s warm enough that it’s not dangerous to leave the house.  As long as you have a decent supply at home, this is the only 100% tried-and-true method that I’ve found to keep myself warm, and there’s never a bad reason to consume chocolate.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is no fun. That’s why it’s called a disorder. According to the Mayo Clinic, SAD symptoms start in the fall and continue for the entire winter, draining your energy and causing you to feel moody. Unfortunately, we can’t spend all five winter months on a cruise ship in the Caribbean with a swim-up cocktail bar.

However, the next best thing to combat the disorder, according to the Clinic, is staying physically active, and if you participate in a winter sport, especially swim team, you’ve got no choice. Bikram yoga is another a great idea. The room is hot enough, I would assume, that you forget that you’ll be lucky if the temperature is above zero when you go to the car.

A movie marathon is always a great option in bad weather. Although it might be too cold to leave the house for a new release, some lovely person probably will have posted the movie online for your illegal viewing pleasure a few days after the premier.

If they haven’t, or in the event that you’re an honest human being, then our 16-day winter break is the perfect length of time to rewatch all eight Harry Potter movies.  It’s either raining or snowing at Hogwarts about 85% of the time, so the characters know exactly what you’re going through. Also, there are no thermostats nor space heaters at Hogwarts, so you should be thankful for what you have.

Finally, there is no better use of leisure time spent indoors than baking.  I guarantee that anyone who happens to be at your house will be thrilled to find fresh, right-out-of-the oven brownies.

If you’re really feeling ambitious, you could bring your baked goods to school and make everyone’s day. Everybody knows that when you give out free food, you suddenly have ten new best friends. The strongest friendships are usually the ones based solely on the exchange of food.

Winter is not usually a fun time in Ohio, probably because it lasts for about half the year, by which time the novelty has worn off a bit.  It will never be easy, but these are my five best tips to make it through the winter.

Here’s to the spring.