The BHS renovation is almost complete. Students may have noticed the activation of the new cooling system in the hallways.

“We really tried to keep the comfort of students and teachers in mind when making the new wing,” said Principal Ed Klein. “We felt that a new cooling system would be the icing on the cake for the building.”

Last year, the school was extraordinarily hot during the last months of school. School officials are now trying to make up for it.

“We want to try to cool the school off before the really hot months come in. The hallway leading to the new wing will be a set of classrooms, and we want to make sure they are comfortable,” explained Klein.

School metaphysician Dr Pangloss agreed, adding, “This is the best of all possible hallways.”

“If it were warm, one might be tempted to stand around in the hallway, but with the cold, one has to go faster to one’s classes, and thus is late fewer times,” he continued.

Some students agree that it is a good idea.

“I’m never late to class anymore,” said senior Randy Murphy. “The cold air keeps my friends from staying out in the hallway to chat, so I go straight to my class.”

Administrators hope to chill  body temperatures enough so that students and teachers won’t feel hot during the last hot months of school.

As senior Beo Wolf said, “The heat wouldn’t prepare us for battling with a test, it would make us weak. The cold strengthens you.”

The cold hallway also gives students an opportunity to show off the latest style in winter coats.

“It’s good for our business,” commented a representative of the North Face store at Eaton, “Our sales have been up 30% in the last five months.”

Please Note: This is a satire.