When anyone finds out you’re a senior, the nearly inevitable question is, “Where do you want to go to college?” I assume most people expect to hear from a Beachwood student either a nationally-renowned university or a public school in Ohio. But I give an answer that I’ve never heard from anyone else:

“I’m not telling anyone.”

This answer seems shocking to most people, especially adults who think that they’ve come up with such an original conversation topic (if you really want to engage me in conversation, ask me what I want to study, not where I want to go). However, applying to college is anything but small talk, especially at a small school like Beachwood.

I’ve gotten a few different reactions, ranging from “That’s very smart of you,” to the other person taking personal offense. Surprisingly, most people don’t press me to share, and simply change the topic, but some people try to guess, which I find incredibly disrespectful.

Let’s say you tell people that your top three schools are Hudson University, Middleton University and Las Vegas University. And for argument’s sake, let’s say you’ve told people that you’re applying early decision to Middleton. If you don’t end up going there, or if you even hint after December 15 that you’re still applying to colleges, it’s obvious that you were rejected. And at Beachwood, news gets around fast. If you tell only your friend group that you got rejected from NJU, anyone nearby could overhear, and it will come up in their conversations later on. If admissions decisions all come out on the same day, people will assume you got rejected if you don’t seem unusually happy that day.

Now suppose you and your friend were both applying to Hudson University. It was his top school, but you didn’t want it very badly. However, you are accepted and he is not. That creates a very awkward situation.

Last year when ED results were released, I remember my friends discussing, “So-and-so got into Hudson U, so-and-so got into Middleton, but I don’t think so-and-so got into Las Vegas.” Beachwood is a very small school with very driven students–nobody deserves for their entire graduating class to know that they were officially deemed not good enough for something, which can be very difficult for anyone to accept.

Furthermore, what if I say I’m applying only to Shaker Heights Community College and Beachwood Institute of Underwater Basket Weaving, but you tell me you’re only applying to Ivy Leagues–and that Cornell is your safety school? What does that leave us to assume about each other?

Besides, when you tell most adults which schools you’re applying, you always receive the same commentary–“That’s a great school!” “Oh, I’m sure you’ll get in!” “Be sure to go to this event in the fall,” and of course, “My best friend’s second cousin’s godson went there!” None of which leave you with much to respond with besides “Oh, cool!” or “Okay!” Adults are by definition far removed from the college process and they don’t understand that it’s not all happy and fun and exciting and wonderful–it’s an extremely stressful process that makes you question the significance of every single thing you’ve ever achieved.

Sure, when I hear people talk about which schools they’re applying to, I want to tell them that I’m applying there, too. Maybe we could visit the school together if we both get accepted. Maybe we could be floormates. Maybe we could drive home to Cleveland together. But every time I almost say something, I remember how much I won’t want anyone else’s commentary once I get rejected, and that we can still celebrate my acceptance letter to THE Generic State University, even if nobody knew I was applying.

I’ll happily talk about what I want to study and what sorts of extra curricular activities I want to do. I’ll even tell you a bit about my essays, including that I’m supposed to be working on them right now as I’m writing this. But you can ask about the schools I’m applying to until you turn blue in the face. You can even guess which ones they are. My mouth will stay shut.