In the vast road experience I have had since I first started learning to drive two summers ago (besides the 15 years I had spent looking out the window before that) I have experienced many stupid drivers and pedestrians.  I’ve seen not one, but two cars heading west on Shaker East, tailgating each other, and people trying to jaywalk across an incredibly busy road at a green light.

Many people, teens and adults alike, have a license regardless of their skills at driving.  Perhaps it is simply because there are many stupid people in this world or perhaps it is because they have not taken the time to read and retain the Ohio Driver’s Manual.  Regardless, both drivers and pedestrians should be aware of the rules of the road. If you are one of those who needs a refresher on the driving rules, never fear.  I have summarized and provided my own interpretation below.

1. The Speed Limit:  If the speed limit is, for example, 35 miles per hour, that means that going slower than 30 mph, assuming no traffic is impeding your speed, will earn you honks, nasty looks, nasty comments and will elicit violent feelings in other drivers. Even more dangerous, though, is stopping suddenly in the middle of the road.

2. Sidewalks, Roads, Parking Lots and Their Proper Uses: You (or your parents, if you’re a dependent) pay taxes to the city of Beachwood so that it can provide its citizens with sidewalks. Use them! Don’t make me slow down in an emergency trip to Chipotle twenty minutes before I have to be somewhere, just because there is a puddle or two on the sidewalk.

Many people seem to think that South Woodland is an excellent place to jog.  They are wrong.  Why? Because most of South Woodland does not have sidewalks.  There are so many other, better places to jog, so why on earth would someone choose the part on South Woodland, after the place where the sidewalk obviously ends?   Instead of going to Beachwood Park West a mere half a mile away, these people choose to slow down anyone who drives on this very central road.  I don’t drive on the sidewalk; you shouldn’t walk on the road.

Likewise, parking lots and driveways are for parking. Please do not challenge my moral standards by standing in the middle of a parking lot or worse, the middle of a road talking to a friend (I did see this happen once) and make me wait for you to finish your conversation. I will most definitely pass judgement on you–at best. Walk on the outermost side of the lane or road so that cars can continue to drive and the world can continue to turn.

3. Life Lessons from Preschool That Help With Driving: Remember when your preschool teacher taught you to color inside the lines?  (S)he was on to something there. If you drive somewhere, such as school or a business with limited parking spaces and you plan to be there for a while, please be a nice person and park inside the lines.  Staying within the lines is a lesson that comes back later in life, much like addition and subtraction and the fact that your hands will hurt if you don’t wear gloves when it’s 10 degrees.

4. Your Very Own Performance Hall: The car is an excellent place to sing like no one can hear you. One caveat–make sure that no one can actually hear you, i.e. ensure that your windows are rolled up. Otherwise, people will judge. Hard.

5. Overbeke Driving School: Lastly, learn from Mr. Overbeke at those ten glorious sessions of driver’s ed. He delivers fascinating lectures on loads of important things, some of which are about driving. For example, had I not gone to Overbeke, I wouldn’t know that Margaret Hamilton, who played the Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz movie, is a graduate of Hathaway-Brown.  I would also not know that there are 88 counties in Ohio (which happens to also be the number of keys on a piano) and that nearly every single student at Orange High School is on the honor roll, which begs the question, where would I be without Overbeke Driving School?

Unfortunately, no matter how many hours one spends in a driving school classroom or taking in-car lessons, these lessons just don’t get through to some people.  People will always make poor choices–as both drivers and pedestrians–including jogging on South Woodland, not writing down directions for a 20-minute drive and going outside in 10 degrees without gloves.  However, we can hope that one day we can drive peacefully to Chipotle without any thoughtless pedestrians getting in our way.